Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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