And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
