thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
