Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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