she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
