I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
