I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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