not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
