I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
