Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize