Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize