I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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