Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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