my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
