Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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