New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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