hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
