I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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