I think I died a long time ago.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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