you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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