I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i love accidental penises.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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