I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
