considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize