This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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