he shaved USA in his pubs
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
