o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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