Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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