Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
