Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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