I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize