once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
