Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
