While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
