You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
