My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
