You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
