Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
