you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
