this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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