It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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