New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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