did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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