she was so not down for the gang bang
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
