Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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