I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
