i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
