Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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