i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
