I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
