I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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