just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
