I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
