good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
