they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
