There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
