Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize