What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
