Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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