Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
