I want to walk on stilts...naked
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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