There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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