just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
