At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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