On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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