Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
