I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
