I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
