I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
