turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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