so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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