dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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