my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish life had little blips of pornography
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
