so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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