She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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