my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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