I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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